The Bear
by Adarian
Summary: Anders reveals to Nathaniel the trigger behind a panic attack. Nathaniel fights his better judgement and comforts Anders in the best way he knows how. Written in response to a request on the kinkmeme.


**TW: Discussion of rape**

It was only the second time they had stayed at the Crown and Lion Inn overnight. As the winter grew colder and it became unfeasible to sleep outdoors, the Warden Commander Tabris had finally allowed them to use Grey Warden silver to sleep indoors. Nathaniel would have been all right still. This would have not been the first winter he slept shivering in a tent in the snow.

He didn't want to get used to the comfort, but there was something soothing about the life the Grey Wardens had together. There was always a warm bed to sleep in at the Keep. He never went hungry, and he was never alone unless he wanted to be.

And there was Anders.

Nathaniel looked up at the blonde mage performing a trick for a few drunken elves. Nathaniel smirked, drinking further into his ale.

There definitely was a comfort to Anders.

After singeing an elf's eyebrows accidently, Anders shuffled closer to Nathaniel, hoping the archer's large frame would scare them off. Nathaniel knew that Anders could protect himself, but he liked the mage being closer to his side. Anders looked up at him with a smile and took a drink of Nathaniel's ale.

They both turned as Tabris whistled at them, signaling Anders to come over and talk to her. As he left Nathaniel's side, Sigrun came to sit beside him at the bar, drinking a very pink fruity beverage that Nathaniel wrinkled his nose at. She hiccupped slightly as she leaned towards Nathaniel and whispered, "You guys should just do it already."

Nathaniel flushed slightly. He regretted ever having talked to Sigrun about the matter. She had pestered him for weeks about whether or not he was interested in Anders, usually peering over the cover of one of her smutty volumes. When he relented and admitted he found Anders attractive, Sigrun had been quietly egging him on to make a move.

It seemed an inebriated Sigrun was far less quiet.

"Shush," Nathaniel scolded, "You are drunk, dwarf. I would take advice from someone who is still able to stand without swaying."

She scrunched up her face and stuck her tongue out, "Fine. I'll just go bother Anders then."

"Wait," Nathaniel interrupted, panicking slightly, "Don't do that…why don't I buy you another one of those foul concoctions and you can try to pick up the bartender with that story about the ogre and the glyph?"

"It is a sexy story," she smiled to herself, taking some bronze pieces from Nathaniel.

Nathaniel turned around on his stool, sighing gratefully. He smiled, seeing Anders dancing with Tabris with the other drunken fools near the fireplace. Anders looked up at Nathaniel and smiled. Nathaniel looked away and took another drink. Anders excused himself from Tabris, coming to sit beside Nathaniel again. He ordered a drink, his cheeks already flush from the heat of the fire.

Nathaniel let himself look over and immediately cursed himself. Anders flushed and sweating slightly, his hair disheveled and his outer robes already discarded, Nathaniel found himself wanting to throw himself on the mage, but instead he looked away, bringing his attention back to his ale.

Anders smirked, and nodded to the barkeep, who brought him his own pint of ale.

"Something on your mind, mage?" Nathaniel asked gruffly.

"Just wondering what you've been doing here all night," Anders teased, "There's plenty of lovely ladies to dance with and its almost pleasant by the fire. The ale is really not that good-no offence, keep-there's no point of just sitting here and slowly drinking it alone."

"I prefer more solitude," Nathaniel replied, "It gives me time to think."

"The Templars were kind enough to give me a whole year to think," Anders teased darkly, "After that, I'm not such a fan of it."

"My solitude was always voluntary," Nathaniel said, softer, "That makes a large difference."

"And my solitude wasn't very solitary," Anders said quietly, taking a drink of his ale.

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow and went to ask more, but Tabris came to their side with a sigh.

"Velanna managed to start a fight and got punched in the nose. It's broken and I need you to heal it. Don't worry, she's fine. You should have seen the other guy."

Anders laughed, "That sounds like her. Is she just upstairs?"

"Still in the alley actually, she's still yelling at the guy."

"I'll go take care of it," Anders replied, picking up his outer robes.

Nathaniel went back to his ale, his thoughts racing wondering what Anders really had meant.

The evening went on and patrons began shuffling back to their homes or upstairs to their rooms. Nathaniel decided to turn in early, going up to his small single upstairs. It was not large, but Tabris had been kind enough to make sure he did not have to share. The Commander had been good to him, much better than he deserved.

Nathaniel had just taken off his shirt and was washing his face by the fire when he heard a faint knock at the door. He opened it, still wiping off his face, to see Anders standing before him, visibly shaking.

"Anders?" Nathaniel asked in concern, "What's wrong?"

Anders could not speak, only a brief cry coming from his lips as his knees shook. Instinctively, Nathaniel brought him inside and closed the door. Anders grasped on to him and Nathaniel picked him up and carried him over to the bed. He got Anders under the covers, feeling his forehead.

Anders coughed out a slight laugh, "I'm not sick."

"You look as pale as a ghost," Nathaniel said softly, his hand still resting on his forehead.

"I was having a panic attack," Anders said, his voice returning to normal, "I just need you to keep talking to me. Anything. Tell me anything. I need to feel safe."

"So you came to me?" He asked, his heart in his throat.

"Nate," Anders said quietly, "You always make me feel safe."

Nathaniel sat by the bed, his hand beside Anders as he told him the story of a bear he hunted in the forests outside Kirkwall. It had been going after the chickens in a local farm, killed a few hounds too. Two days Nathaniel stalked it in the woods, two days tracking him through the dense forests.

Yet in the chase, Nathaniel fell down the side of a hill, his ankle twisting when it hit a rock. He fell, tumbling down, and unable to stand. The bear came to his side and he thought he was done. But the bear looked at him for moments, though it felt like hours. And then the bear left without a sound, walking quietly away deeper into the forest. Nathaniel managed to splint the ankle the best he could and made it back to a nearby village.

Anders watched him intently as Nathaniel told the story, his breathing slowing and he sat on top of the covers, letting his body cool down as it came down from the adrenaline.

Anders looked up at Nathaniel and whispered almost silently, "I was raped."

Nathaniel felt sick to his stomach as Anders continued.

"In the tower…that year…they raped me. I don't know how many…I don't know how many times…when I went to help Velanna, a group walked past from the Chantry. My mana was drained from taking care of her. One of them looked at me, and it was like it was happening again."

"Anders," Nathaniel murmured.

"Nate," Anders said gently, "I'm okay. It…it was horrible, but I survived. I know they can't hurt me anymore…well, at least I'm not under their control anymore. But…being vulnerable…I couldn't…"

"I will never let them put a finger on you," Nathaniel swore, his hand touching Anders' lightly, "No Templar will ever hurt you again."

"That's a big promise," Anders said with a weak smirk, touching Nathaniel's cheek with his other hand, "I'm not sure even the great Nathaniel Howe can live up to that one."

Nathaniel's heart raced and a surge of guilt hit his body. Anders had come to him for help, for comfort, he shouldn't be feeling this desire. It was tied in with his protectiveness, the need to shelter Anders while marking him as his own. Nathaniel backed away from Anders slightly.

Anders stood, "Nate…"

Nathaniel looked at him, his heart in his throat, "What do you need of me?"

Anders cupped his face in his hands and Nathaniel's mind fought with itself. Anders was vulnerable, he shouldn't take advantage…but it was Anders. Anders, here, in his room, Anders looking at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. Maker, how he wanted to kiss him.

"Anders," Nathaniel said softly, "We shouldn't. I…I can't…"

Anders smiled gently, "You're not the first one since then, Nate. Neither of us is drunk. We both want this. Then why are you fighting it?"

Nathaniel kissed him fiercely, throwing his arms around him. Anders laughed slightly between kisses, Nathaniel's hands holding him firmly. Nathaniel pulled back, a smile coming across his face without him realizing it.

"You tell me what you're comfortable with," Nathaniel said, panting slightly, "I don't want to do anything that-"

"Nate," Anders said, and kissed him again, "I want this. I want you."

Nathaniel felt a slight throb in his groin and whispered, "Say that again?"

"I want you, Nate."

Nathaniel kissed him deeply; picking him up and carrying him back to the bed. They undressed each other, awkwardly fumbling in the firelight to undo laces and buttons. Between the removal of clothes and hungry kisses, Anders murmured, "You don't have any lubrication, do you?"

Nathaniel shook his head and kissed Anders again, "Stay here, I'll get some from the store downstairs….will you be alright by yourself for a minute?"

Anders looked up at him and smirked, "Just hurry back."

Nathaniel threw his shirt quickly back on and laced up his pants again. He looked back with a groan at the naked Anders curled up in his bed. He opened the door and tripped over a small basket left at his door.

In the basket was a small bottle of lubricant, a few candles and massage oil. There was a note from Sigrun and Nathaniel grumbled slightly, taking the basket in quietly before anyone could notice.

Maker bless that dwarf, Nathaniel thought.

Nathaniel entered the room, taking the lubricant and oil with him to the bedside, taking his shirt off. Anders stood, the sheets sliding away to reveal his naked form. It was much as Nathaniel had imagined: the silver scars from the years on the run, the nipple piercing he always suspected Anders had, the slight paunch of his belly, but that slightly curved cock, a moderate size, almost purple with need. Nathaniel had an urge to take him into his mouth, but that was something he had never tried before and wanted to please Anders this first time together.

Nathaniel unlaced his pants as Anders watched, kissing his chest and downwards, kneeling before him. As Nathaniel dropped his pants and his erection sprung loose, Anders kissed his the sides of his cock, making Nathaniel wince with need. Nathaniel stepped out of pants and grabbed Anders in his arms, carrying him towards the bed as they kissed frantically.

Nathaniel reached around for the lubricant between heavy kisses, the rubbing of their cocks together distracting him greatly. Seeing what Nathaniel had found, Anders pushed himself up on his elbows, kissing him again.

"I want you inside of me," Anders murmured.

"Are you sure?" Nathaniel said, his heart beating madly, "I don't want-"

"Nate," Anders said determinedly, "I know my limits. I don't need you setting them for me. Unless you don't want to."

"Maker, I've wanted this for ages, mage," Nathaniel groaned, spreading the lubricant on his fingers, "You must know how much I wanted to screw you."

"Oh?" Anders teased, wincing slightly as one of Nathaniel's lubricated fingers circled around his pucker of flesh.

"I know you've wanted my cock in you," Nathaniel smiled slightly, a fingertip teasing the entrance. Anders moaned as the finger slid inside of him, his arm wrapping around Nathaniel's neck. Nathaniel groaned. Maker, he was so tight. He wanted to wrap himself in that heat, to bury himself deep into him and pound into him until he screamed out his name.

His heart raced, but he kept his pace slow, kissing Anders as the mage relaxed under his hand, his thumb rubbing the space between cock and ass as another finger reached in to stretch and tease.

Anders cried out slightly, kissing Nathaniel hard as Nathaniel picked up speed slightly, reaching further in, his other hand cupping Anders' face. Nathaniel wanted to tell Anders more of what he had planned, what he wanted to do, but as he saw the mage's face looking up at him with a mixture of lust and trust, he found words failing him.

How would this play out in the morning? Nathaniel could not help but wonder. Did Anders need him to play this as an act of passion? Of Anders showing no Templar took his love of sex away? He fought the urge to moan the feelings he had held for so long. But in the end, did it matter? He was what Anders wanted, what Anders needed. That alone was worth any regrets in the light of the day.

"Nate," Anders cried out as Nathaniel brushed against the swollen mound inside him. Anders bucked against his fingers slightly, riding them gently as Nathaniel continued. Nathaniel felt his cock throb achingly as he watched Anders' face. With his spare hand, he coated himself in the lubrication, Anders' eyes opening wide as he watched. Anders pouted slightly as Nathaniel took his hand away and wrapped his arms around Anders. He knelt, holding Anders just above his lap. Anders wrapped his arms around Nathaniel as he pushed his cock against his open entrance.

Nathaniel cried out loudly as Anders pushed himself down upon him. He pushed himself upwards, thrusting into his tight, hot ass. Anders moaned as Nathaniel grabbed his thighs, pulling them closer towards him with each thrust. Anders reached around, grabbing his own cock in his hand, pumping briskly. Nathaniel watched, looking up to see Anders look at him, biting his lip slightly in concentration. Nathaniel kissed him fiercely, Anders' other hand grasping the side of his face, his nails digging in slightly.

"Anders," Nathaniel cried out, thrusting quicker into him. Anders leaned into him, holding on to him closer as his hand picked up speed. Nathaniel could feel Anders' fingers and cock against his chest, the heat of it pressed against the growing heat in his body. He could not last much longer.

Anders gasped loudly, arching his head back as his hand gripped harder, his hot seed spurting against Nathaniel's chest. He cried out in response and pushed Anders onto the bed, holding up his thighs still against him as he pounded into him.

"Nate," Anders cried, his arms reaching back to hold the bedposts as Nathaniel thrust into him. Nathaniel looked up at him, their eyes meeting as Nathaniel felt himself shudder and he came quickly, burying himself deep into Anders. When the waves passed, he pulled himself up to Anders, kissing him fiercely. He collapsed on Anders' chest.

After a few moments of tired kisses, he stood, looking for something to clean the mess when he noticed damp towels on the bottom of Sigrun's basket. He would have to have a talking with that dwarf, but he was grateful then. He returned to Anders' side, cleaning them both of each other's sweat and seed between kisses.

As it grew late, they fell asleep in each other's arms, Nathaniel protectively holding Anders as he whimpered in his sleep. When Nathaniel woke, Anders was already awake, half dressed, standing by the window as the first snow fell in the sky. Nathaniel wrapped the sheet around his waist and walked over to his side.

"I meant everything I said last night," Nathaniel said softly.

"I know," Anders said with a smile, "I don't know what this all means…but I don't want it to stop."

Nathaniel kissed him gently, his arms wrapping around the mage as he held him closely. They both turned back to the window, Nathaniel holding him, as they watched the snow fall from the sky.


End file.
